This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
