I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
