Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
