I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
