In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
