He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
