Jerry, you need to find god
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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