the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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