guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
