Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
