if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
