Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
