Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
