I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
