You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
