Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
