Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
