my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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