I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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