Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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