his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
