...so i touched it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
