I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
