I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think your dad took our porno
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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