yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
