Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
