dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
