No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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