i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
