I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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