What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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