Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
