I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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