My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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