you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
