He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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