I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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