If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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