So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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