Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
