stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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