It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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