Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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