no, he came in my armpit
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
