I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
