no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
