i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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