I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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