I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
