Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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