i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
