I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
