Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
