this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
