I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Text me some of your sweat
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
