You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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