Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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