he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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