just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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