Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
