Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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