JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
