i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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