I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is Oprah even human
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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