The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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