yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
