FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
PANTIES FOUND
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
