What did we do last night that was yellow?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
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Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday