please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
