Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
