i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
