Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
