Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You took a bar mat shot.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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