why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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