dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i love accidental penises.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
