after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
