How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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