In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
