You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
