I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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