Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
