After last night, I could never be a politician.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
