from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
