but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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