did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
