he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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