Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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