I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
