He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
