Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
