I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
